Dear new mum. Be kind to yourself
Updated: Aug 10, 2020
Welcome to the club, beautiful! I’m so excited you’re here! As you navigate through this journey of motherhood, what I thought might help you is to hear the words of women who’ve been through the same. So, I’ve asked the following question to my community of lovely mummas and here are some beautiful responses I received.
The question asked:
Knowing what you know now, what would you say to your past-self who just had a baby?
“What would I say...well, I would say that the early part of their life goes by in a flash. They are babies and toddlers for such a short time - I wished I had treasured the moments more and just spent more time playing with Eden, instead of focusing on non-important things that could have waited. She is 11 now and all she wants is to be with her friends, constantly. She is no longer interested so much in mummy daughter or daddy daughter time - I didn’t think this happened till later in the teenage years, but I was so wrong.
So, what would I say - slow down and just really enjoy each moment. Each moment is a memory and soon enough, that is all you have of such a special time in your life, meeting your new child.
Don't rush it all away and pray for them to be less needy and to do more things by themselves. Just really enjoy it, it really doesn't last a very long time at all.”
“As I started thinking of how to answer this question I immediately started thinking of tips and tricks on navigating motherhood however as I contemplated this a little more, I realized this is not the most important part of motherhood. You see the most important part is you. I’d like to share my greatest lesson which leads from a much deeper level because my message is one of wellness.
All too easily we get caught up in the throws of motherhood. We spend time looking after our children, our partner, the house, potentially going back to work. Having more children. And as we get caught up in this, we forget about the one person that matters the most. That person is you.
You are the glue that holds the family together. More often than not, as mothers we are the primary caregivers. This is a big role. It requires the right type of energy. You are in fact the most important person in your child’s life. You are their role model, you will inspire them.
I once thought that it was all about the children. Making sure they had everything they need. I thought that taking time for me was selfish, what if I missed something. What happened if they needed me. Oh I’m far too busy for that.
My husband often said to me that he could feel my negative energy. And it was true. When I was depleted it affected everybody. Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling down this can affect other people around you? We feel each other’s energy. When I was calmer, and my energy was high the vibe in the house was very different.
Children learn so much more from our actions than they do our words. As babies grow, they copy us, they absorb everything, and they also observe. As they get older, they start to take on our own behaviours both the good and the not so good.
If we lead with love for ourselves and our own well-being this is what our children will absorb. I’m not talking about getting your nails done or your hair done although this does make us feel good. I’m talking about allowing yourself space for your own growth and development. To re-nourish yourself, to fill up your cup, to be the best person that you can be.
When we practice this, our children will see it, they will feel it and they will bring it into their own life’s which will be one of balance and one of wellness.
So, believe in yourself momma. Allow yourself space and nurture yourself from the inside out because isn’t that ultimately what we want for our children. Leading by example allows you to become your child’s greatest role model 💕
With much love xxx “
And here is something from me.
Remember the impermanence of all things. This too shall pass. No matter how challenging the situation might seem right now, it won’t last forever. You will see an end to sleepless nights. Your baby will be walking and talking in no time. She will eventually learn to go to a toilet by themselves and you will be saying goodbye to nappies! And believe it or not, things will get easier. So be present and cherish each moment and enjoy toothless smiles of your little bubba for now!
What you really need to hear from me is this. From the very first day she arrives into the world, you need to make sure you take care of yourself because you’re the only person who can do that for you. I know all your focus now is on your baby, trying to figure out what she needs but don’t neglect yourself in the meantime. Don’t put yourself at the bottom of the list. I know you might not be able to think straight because of the lack of sleep but this is important!
You grew this little person and carried her for 9 months and just birthed her into the world. What you did is amazing, and you totally deserve a little break. So, don’t be afraid of asking for help so you can catch up on sleep or have some time away from your baby so you can take time to nurture and nourish you. Schedule in the next you time (I’m talking about sometime today, tomorrow and every single day from now!) to recharge your batteries so you can show up as a better version of you for your baby.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. Here are some quotes that may resonate with you.
“The words you speak are powerful. Especially the words you speak to yourself.”
“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself”
Diane Von Furstenberg
So, speak kindly to yourself and love yourself more. Be your best friend. I believe in you. You’re a good mum and I know you’re doing the best you can and that’s enough. You’re enough.
Lots of love,
Chika, mum to a 4-year old preschooler & founder of Wa Yoga & Yoga Australia registered teacher
Many thanks to Sandra & Vikki for taking the time to share their wisdom. If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to share it with your mumma friends!
My invitation to you
We have a lovely online Facebook group community, called Mindful Mum CommUNITY. It's FREE to join the group. This is where I show up to share extra love and I host FREE online events in this group at least 4 times a year. Come and join us and stay connected with other like-minded mums who are interested in mindful, creative & earth-friendly living. You can join us by hitting the link below
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